How to write your own vows, and make them meaningful
Have you ever watched Improv comedy?
Or seen TV shows such as “Whose line is it anyway”? (a programme that features some of the finest improv comedians on the planet).
One of the reasons why many people love improv is because it’s fresh, it’s original and it’s witty.
Hearing the same old, same old can get tedious, and it’s the same for your vows.
Compare the following two weddings:
- Wedding 1: A beautiful wedding with a couple you love and they use some lines you’ve heard at some previous weddings you’ve attended.
- Wedding 2: A beautiful wedding with a couple you love and it is very clear that their vows are personal to them because the words just sum them up.
Which one of those 2 ceremonies do you think will touch you the most?
There are so many aspects that combine to make a wedding but the core essence of this day is that you are getting married to the person you love and want to be with for the rest of your life and so the vows are the most important part of the whole day, because they represent what you both want, expect and hope for.
Writing your own vows is something I always encourage but many couples get stumped because they believe you have to be an expert in order to write anything original and meaningful.
Here are some ideas to help:
Let’s get this started
As with anything getting started is always the toughest part. A way to make this easier is to for you both to answer questions such as:
What is it that you most love about your partner?
Where and how did you meet?
What does marriage mean to you?
What are your hopes and dreams for the two of you?
What is it about your partner that inspires you? that melts you? and even that annoys you? because it’s always better when this is real and not just stuff from a romantic novel and the real stuff can be inserted in a fun way.
Inspiration, inspiration, inspiration
You can draw inspiration from many areas of your lives. The TV shows and movies you love, your favourite quotes, songs that are special to you, poetry that touches you, even the messages on greetings cards. You can also read the more traditional sources such as vows books and Google vows used by others and of course ask friends. Every culture, religion, country has it’s own traditions and vows which can also give you inspiration in case you might be thinking of fusing some traditional elements with a more personalised version.
Your vows can include anecdotes from your lives, metaphors and maybe some humour?
Take your time do it right
It’s important to be in the right space and time when you do start on this. Don’t schedule 20 minutes and then try and fit it in between other tasks. It’s something to be done when you are really in connection with each other like on a beach, on a romantic getaway, you could even record them into your phone while on a walk through a forest. Think about the energy you both felt when the proposal happened and some of the things that went through your mind at that time.
Forget the rules
As you start writing the first draft throw-out the rulebook and ignore what you are “supposed to do”. It’s your day so do it your way. The vows can be as short or as long as you like. They can be quirky, romantic and comical but what they most should be is all about you and reflect your characters. Maybe include details about how and where you met? The thoughts that went through your mind when you first met? If you keep a diary what entries did you make around that time? Could any of those be included?
Practice makes perfect
Once you’ve written them leave them for a few days and then relook at them. if you’re like most people you’ll spot typos, passages you want to change and better ways or wording things.
Read them out loud. There’s a big difference between reading them in your head and reading them aloud.
Stand and deliver
When you read your vows on the day forget about everyone else in the room, there is only one person that matters. Read them with emotion and passion and if you’re able to learn them that would enable you to look into your partners eyes as you deliver one of the most special moments you’ll ever have in your life.
Your guests are attending because of an amazing love story
that features the two of you and most people can’t resist a good story, it’s what Hollywood and the movie industry is all about. Stories draw people in, touch them and make them laugh, and it is likely that your story will have moments that are touching, crazy, funny, incredible…
One of the elements that make the ceremonies I do so different is the inclusion of the love story of the couple and it usually results in tears, emotion and belly laughs and one of the secrets of the really great weddings is raising the energy from as early in the day as possible and nothing achieves that like laughter.
If you’d like to meet up to discuss your wedding ceremony and making it really special please do get in touch